The time has finally come and I didn’t anticipate all these feelings that are coming along with it. This new chapter that we have been talking about and planning for over a year and a half is right in front of me and it seems a little unreal. The time to homeschool has finally come. The kids just had their last day of school and now they are all mine. Everyday. All day.
My emotions have been back and forth for the past month as the time for Gray’s graduation drew closer. I could not wait to see him receive his diploma that he has worked incredibly hard for this past year. He practiced everyday for his performance and then when the time came he was amazing. The tears flowed and pride was spilling out of me. My baby boy graduated, he’s growing up.
And now, I am in charge of his education. Olivia’s too. That’s a huge weight to carry but one that I am excited and prepared for. I’m also sad to be leaving their school. We have loved our time there and they both have grown so much since starting. Their teachers are wonderful and truly care about their well being. Gray has had the same teacher since he started and she’s been such a positive influence on him. Olivia started in Primary this year and she loves her teachers. If she were to stay in school she would have the same teachers until she graduated Kindergarten which makes leaving them harder.
But this is what we have been talking about since we purchased our land. We know this is what we want to do and what is best for our children but now I’m a little scared. Scared of the unknown, of what our days are going to look like once we start, of failing them. Are they going to learn everything they need to know? What exactly do they need to know? How on Earth am I going to balance it all? I can barely keep up with the laundry and remember to take out the recycling on the correct day so what is adding homeschooling going to do to my mental state? There will be an adjustment period, some hard days, frustrations and tears are probably inevitable at some point.
Then I think about the time we are going to get together. The moments that I am going to get to witness because we are together all the time. The sense of accomplishment that I will see once they figure out a solution to a problem they have been working on or reach a goal that they had set. The places we will see together when we are traveling. Nature hikes, field trips, lessons in the backyard or at the park. The world will literally be our classroom. Slow mornings and doing our work in our pajamas if we need to that day. Curling up on the couch and reading a good book together. Graham getting the chance to teach the kids because he loves to immerse himself in whatever they want to learn about and because he is just so good at teaching them. The time though, that’s what I keep coming back to. The time we will get to spend with each other. Time that they would be spending in a classroom while I am out running around trying to get all of the things done. Time that we won’t get back.
So, yeah, I’m a little scared but I think being a little scared is normal. This is a big change for our family, one that we feel is going to be positive in more ways than we count. I always tell my children not to be scared to try new things, that they won’t know if they love something if they don’t give it a shot. How do you get better at anything if you don’t try it and then practice it? How would we know that homeschooling/road schooling is the right fit for our family if we don’t try it?
If we let the the things that scare us hold us back then we may miss out on the chance to experience some of the most amazing moments of our lives and that is something that I’m not prepared to do. I don’t want to miss those moments, the good and the bad. I don’t want them to miss those moments either so we are all in this together, figuring out this homeschooling thing and moving on from one chapter to the next.